So go here for more enlightening nonsense… I do hope to update more frequently.. *thank you Ritalin*

I know it works though and the first week is torture. I did this back in ’99 prior to getting married. I lost a good bit of weight but I didn’t do it seriously. In fact, I never really gave up sugar, I just ate small bits of it, so I could stay under my daily carb limit. On our honeymoon I gave myself the green light to eat as I wished. It was our honeymoon after all, who wants to pass up the cake?? Not me, that’s for sure. Then of course, it got away from me and I’m here, eleven years later, and four pregnancies later and my ass is as fat as ever. The only other time I’ve been this size is when pregnant. That’s depressing.

I shall conquer this!!! Thank baby jesus my current fave is on my new diet…. old bay wings.

just wanted to post another pic.. because I CAN mutha fuckas. (I squeal with glee when I use potty talk on here. it’s so liberating.)

Ted and Wynlea. I think the only named ones on here. they’ve grown since the pic on the left.

oh ok, enough arm twisting, will ya. here’s me:

awesome! now you know.

I’m also hoping the quirky turn will encourage me to blog more. and yes I realize I am omitting some punctuation, capitalization, etc. I don’t care and if you don’t like it you can suck it.

some things are getting better. we’re getting on pretty good overnight. she gets up twice and goes out, tinkles and settles right back down when she comes in. not too bad. I’ve gotten her on a rough schedule which definitely helps. I’ve also learned that exercise is key to making her less hyper and spastic. puppies are incredibly spastic. we’re curbing that by wearing her out. this morning she was up at six, tinkled, poo’d (yes I did feel it necessary to share) and ate. she sort of settled down for a bit until the kids got up. as soon as they left we practiced walking on the leash. her not me.. I think I’d be awesome on a leash. To round out the fun times I let her off the leash in the fenced back yard and “played” with the frisbee. she needs to learn to share. so far, she’s horrible at it.

unfortunately we’ve already had a minor scuffle. her first day here, within two hours, the big dog decided he did NOT like being licked in the mouth. Honestly, we were doing wonderfully keeping things civil. I kept the puppy on the leash and away from big dog. unfortunately, big dog didn’t stay leash length away. all was fine until puppy got too close and licked his mouth. big dog can fit puppy’s mouth in his. one of his teeth impaled poor puppy between the eyes. YIKES. puppy screamed and bled and thing 2 cried. she thought it was her fault. no idea why, as she wasn’t involved at all. maybe she was whispering to big dog to do it…

anyway, the next day it appeared to be ok and started healing. apparently looks can be deceiving. at the vet yesterday I learned it had an abscess and that is disgusting my friends. EW. the vet relieve the void of it’s ew-ness. and then there was a void. a nifty hole in her poor face. so she got an afternoon at the vets for stitches. poor puppy.

previously adorable puppy:

is now temporarily not so adorable puppy:

Anyway, after about four days of this I finally told her to shut it and that she was getting on my damn nerves. I was SO tactful and thoughtful back then. The point is, whenever she saw me, all she could manage to think about was that bird and the (now no longer) funny thing he said. It irritated me. Why do people do that? “Oh you’re so hilarious ha ha ha.” Apparently some find me humorous. While that’s fine and dandy, I am capable of conversing for a whole whopping five minutes without cracking a joke. Swear. What bugs the shit out of me, is this: I’M NOT JUST FUCKING FUNNY. I can do other things like give meaningful advice. I can sing off key. I can be incredibly rude to telemarketers. I can pass along a recipe to the woman ringing up my groceries. I don’t like being “the funny girl”. I cannot help it that I enjoy laughing. I LOVE laughing. I want to make other people laugh. I’ve occasionally gone too far, overdone it, been obnoxious, etc. But I want nothing more than to bring a smile to someone. But there really is a bit more to me than that.

The OTHER thing pissing me off is the whole gun issue. Yes I like guns. Get over it already. Holy crap. I enjoy shooting a gun. BIG DEAL. I’m not the only person who does this. Honest. I’ve checked. But holy hell let’s make that the only thing we can talk about. it’s getting old and annoying. really. I try to just ignore it. People are even saying “i’m scared to be around you”.. har har har. Yes, cause I make it a fucking point to shoot people in the face. Right. Exactly, you should be worried. REALLY??? Why the hell would you be scared to be around me? Do I appear to be so inept, uncoordinated and stupid that I can’t possibly NOT shoot you?

Oh you like to crochet? OH MY GOD I’m heading for the hills. God save us all from those crochet hooks. My eyes, MY EYES!!!!!

I realize guns make people uneasy. I totally respect that. I am just a bit concerned that they either A. think I’m too stupid to handle a firearm or B. Can’t talk to me like a human being and can only crack jokes about it.

I can talk about other things you know. Like … pretty much anything, I do know it all.