I’m in some sort of mood. Maybe posting is good therapy. Or maybe this will enlighten people to just how ridiculous I really am. Whatever. There was this one time in high school, my Mother had bought a parrot. Well being excited about our new exotic pet, I shared with my peers the things the bird could say. I don’t even remember what it was but he did say one thing that was pretty damn funny. Anyway, this one girl in my class just would NOT shut the hell up about it. Like, the first day or so, as soon as I walked into class, she’d say what the bird said. She’d also use this really stupid voice. She was not a very good parrot impersonator I can tell you that.

Anyway, after about four days of this I finally told her to shut it and that she was getting on my damn nerves. I was SO tactful and thoughtful back then. The point is, whenever she saw me, all she could manage to think about was that bird and the (now no longer) funny thing he said. It irritated me. Why do people do that? “Oh you’re so hilarious ha ha ha.” Apparently some find me humorous. While that’s fine and dandy, I am capable of conversing for a whole whopping five minutes without cracking a joke. Swear. What bugs the shit out of me, is this: I’M NOT JUST FUCKING FUNNY. I can do other things like give meaningful advice. I can sing off key. I can be incredibly rude to telemarketers. I can pass along a recipe to the woman ringing up my groceries. I don’t like being “the funny girl”. I cannot help it that I enjoy laughing. I LOVE laughing. I want to make other people laugh. I’ve occasionally gone too far, overdone it, been obnoxious, etc. But I want nothing more than to bring a smile to someone. But there really is a bit more to me than that.

The OTHER thing pissing me off is the whole gun issue. Yes I like guns. Get over it already. Holy crap. I enjoy shooting a gun. BIG DEAL. I’m not the only person who does this. Honest. I’ve checked. But holy hell let’s make that the only thing we can talk about. it’s getting old and annoying. really. I try to just ignore it. People are even saying “i’m scared to be around you”.. har har har. Yes, cause I make it a fucking point to shoot people in the face. Right. Exactly, you should be worried. REALLY??? Why the hell would you be scared to be around me? Do I appear to be so inept, uncoordinated and stupid that I can’t possibly NOT shoot you?

Oh you like to crochet? OH MY GOD I’m heading for the hills. God save us all from those crochet hooks. My eyes, MY EYES!!!!!

I realize guns make people uneasy. I totally respect that. I am just a bit concerned that they either A. think I’m too stupid to handle a firearm or B. Can’t talk to me like a human being and can only crack jokes about it.

I can talk about other things you know. Like … pretty much anything, I do know it all.