Delores Melon

I’m a good daughter. So good in fact, I’ll take time out of my busy schedule (snicker, snicker), to find dog breeders for my parents. My parents have a Vizsla.  They love their dog. More than me, apparently. They insist on referring to her as my “sister”. So cute, it makes me throw up a little bit in my mouth. Anyway, they want another one. Joy. I’m elated.

My mother, unfortunately, is internet stupid. Since I’m suffering from so much back pain I’m debating (ok, just waiting till bedtime) taking my dentist prescribed Percocet, I’ll make this brief.  She “ordered” a dog from a breeder in NEBRASKA. Oh, we are in MARYLAND.  Yeah, brilliant idea Mom. She even paid for the dog and the dog’s plane ticket. LOL I know, you’re pissing your pants too! Apparently, they cannot ship animals if the temperature in the departing state and the receiving state are below 20 degrees. Well hel-fucking-lo it’s freaking WINTER. In NEBRASKA.

Today was attempt number two to ship this dog to my Mother. Negative.  At this point my Mom just wants her money back and to resume her search in a closer locale.  My Mom, she’s a genius. Lol. I’m thinking this lady is yanking her chain and there’s no dog, but that’s another story.

So, jumping forward, I found a website of a breeder in a neighboring state… I even drove to pretty much the same place to get my cats.  Another story, I’m getting distracted.  So, I emailed inquiring on if they had any available puppies.

This is the response:

Nice to meet you and thank you for your inquiry. I would be happy to speak with you about my dogs, my breeding program and my planned litter or refer you to another reputable breeder in your area. If you would please share a little about yourself, your family, how you’ve come to decide that a vizsla is the right breed for your lifestyle and how you for see a new puppy fitting in with your daily routine.

I look forward to your response.

So, I emailed back with a bit about my parents, my father is retired, mom works but can take the dog to work, dog friendly job, etc. Frankly, my parents really do have the ideal situation for a dog. I also mentioned the reason I was inquiring was because I was a stay at home Mom (so they didn’t assume I was 12), and my mother worked therefore I simply had more time. The end. Sounds relatively normal… ? Right? Apparently not. The response I got?

I have nothing available.  Thank you for your inquiry.

Well, thank you very much, Debbie, JaegerBaby, Baby Monster Siren, Owe’n (Oh No!) & Harlow the Harlot
Tivoliz Vizslas.  Her tag line at the end of her email: “A Vizsla isn’t just a dog. Its a way of life.” How clever.

Look, I get it. You’re anal about who you let adopt your dogs. I drove eleven hours to get my cats, because I wanted to buy from a specific breeder. It goes both ways. I also know my parents dote more on that dog than they did me. lol They exercise her, they know when to get her to the vet, they feed her the “right” foods. Etc.  But to write someone off because they’re doing a favor for someone… pffff. You suck lady. Big, fat, hairy donkey balls. And, you’re a snobby prick jerk. I doubt your dogs are any more distinguished when they lick their balls than my dog is.  Screw that, my Lab totally trumps your wussy Vizslas.  Jackass.

Anyway, my Mom just got word that her puppie, Molly, from Nebraska is on her flight and will arive at midnight. My Father is thrilled. Poor Dad. I’ll believe it when I see it. Or, hear it as the case may be.